So, where are you from?

I went into a Chinese restaurant the other day to make a take-out order for me and the girls. And something so remarkably unremarkable happened to me that I have to share.

First, you have to understand that I am part Filipina. My mother hails from Angeles City (former breeding grounds for bar-girl-and-GI-gets-married-and-may-or-may-not-live-happily-ever-after type of fairy tales). My dad is from Greenwich, CT. His parents were from Germany. Cologne and Berlin, I believe. Anyways, so I'm this (quite common for a military brat. The mixing in general- not the flavor) mix of German-Philippine heritage. I look more like my mom. Which means, I look more like a Filipina than anything remotely resembling a European. Well, except for the Spaniards. Which makes sense, considering the 300-year Spanish occupation of the Philippines some time ago.

As a result, I find myself being stared at and sized up whenever I come across anyone with any remote claim to Southeast Asia. Or sometimes, even just Asia in general, like China or Japan.

A few years ago I was in a nail salon getting my nails done. The salon lady (Vietnamese) kept looking up and staring at me while she was trying to buff my nails with the little buffer thingy. I knew, even before she opened her mouth, what she wanted to say.

"Where are you from?" she finally asked. I hesitated. Because for me, "where are you from?" is a difficult question to answer. I've found, however, that to give the right answer, I have to know exactly what people are asking. What I've learned is this:

If I'm being asked by a Filipino, Guamanian or Vietnamese person in particular, they want to know why my skin is brown, and why my eyes are a little slanted- they want to know my Asian heritage. They don't care about the other side. They want to know if they can relate to me somehow.

If I'm being asked by someone affiliated with the military, "where are you from" normally means "where were you last-from where did you pcs". That's an easy one to answer. I mean, I can only really live in one state at a time.

And occasionally a military affiliated person, and most certainly a civilian will ask me that wanting to know what my hometown is. After years of stumbling over myself to get the whole story out in one short breath, I've simply begun answering like this: My parents retired in NC. But sometimes I ask them to clarify. Because sometimes "from" means, where were you born (Clark AFB, Philippines), or where did you grow up (I'm a military brat and therefore, grew up everywhere and nowhere at the same time. But I spent 8 years in Japan. I was 7 when we moved there and 15 when we left. The formative years… and graduated HS in NC. Which I don't consider being anything close to "home". It's simply where my parents live), or where are your parents (assuming, I guess, that where ever they are now is where I was born and raised).

"Where are you from" means so many things to so many people. And they're not shy about making that very clear, either.

For example:

I was looking through lamps at Lowe's with dh and the girls. A stocker in a red vest stands up and begins looking me up and down. He's not checking me out, not sexually anyways. He's trying to assess which Island I may have hailed from. I know this for a fact. Because he himself looks like an islander, and only another islander would stare in such a manner. So I smile and finally he asks me where I'm from. I began to give him the "dad…military…parents…8 years…Japan…NC…" shpiel when I decided I'd just k.i.s.s. (keep it simple, stupid).

"My mom is from the Philippines." I said.

"Ah." He replied. "I knew you were from the Islands."

"yeah… are you from the Philippines, too?" Usually I can tell, just the way they can tell. But I always ask. It seems only fair. They get a question, I get a question.

"No," he said. "I'm from Guam."

"Ah. Same difference." I remarked. We laughed and I went back to looking at the lamps.

So back to the Chinese take-out.

The Chinese-food-order-taker-lady began to ring me up, and as we're waiting for the credit card to process, I see that look.

"Where are you from?" she asks, ripping the paper off of the receipt-spitter-outer and handing it for me to sign. I knew immediately what she wanted to know. And I wasn't in the mood for chit chat so I replied simply, "my mom is from the Phillipines."

"Oh, that's what I thought." She hands me a pen. "Where is she from?"

"Angeles City." I hurriedly scribble my name next to the 'x' and return the pen.

Awkward silence.

"Have you been to the Philippines?" she continues.

I hesitate again.

"I was born there." I decide to tell her. "Then we visited when I was 10."

I waited for the next question that usually comes up in exchanges like these. "Do you speak Tagalog?" To which I would have to say, "not so much. Unless screaming 'mother fucker son of a bitch' counts. If so, then, yes. Tagalog, Ka Pampangan and possibly even a little in Ilocano (grandpa spoke one, grandma spoke the other- Tagalog was their common language and my mom grew up hearing it all. So my mom's Tagalog tends to be a mix of all three with the occasional smattering of English. At least, that's what she tells me. I personally don't know. Not speaking the language and all).

Thankfully that question didn't come up. Because I was incredibly hungry, plus, I had two incredibly hungry preschoolers with me, and A. made a point of asking me if she was still going to get an eggroll. I needed that eggroll ASAP. Because I needed A. to stop asking. ASAP. (After 15 minutes it starts to get old).

At some point between giving me my receipt and handing me my food, she may have told me where she was from. I don't remember. I just wanted to get out of there. I don't like being inquisitioned when I'm hungry. And certainly not by a Pinoy in a Chinese restaurant. That's just so weird…

Which gets me to thinking… my girls also look an awful lot like Filipina's. We affectionately call them our Island babies. Especially when we're trying to accentuate dh's non-Island-ness (Norse and German descent or something. The Kraut-Viking he says). We're not very pc- dh and I. At least, not with each other.

Anyways- I'm thinking. Will the girls get the same reaction whenever she comes across Southeast Asians? Will they look as foreign as I have looked for most of my life? Different enough for people to approach me and ask "what I am"? (different post entirely, I'm afraid. Because it's not just the Asians. They're just a little more subtle about it). If so, what will they say? They can't say, "my mom is from the Philippines." The closest to that would be, "my mom was born in the Philippines." I didn't grow up there. They're going to have an even harder time explaining their ethnicity.

I better start coming with answers for them now, I suppose.