The Rules For Men: How To Handle A Disobedient Wife

Apparently, there is a right way, and a wrong way to beat ones wife.

In a show aired in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait during Ramadan this year, Saudi cleric Muhammad Al-'Arifi explains to young Muslim men that if after telling their wives many, many times that they are out of line, and refusing to sleep or speak with her is ineffective, then it's okay to start beating her. But he must follow the rules.

How about that for a spin-off of those "The Rules" books that were so popular in the late 90's? "The Rules: How to Beat Your Wife".

And what are these rules, you may ask.

First, hitting in the face is forbidden. Because then you're left with, not just an insolent wife, but now an ugly, swollen, insolant wife. Plus, other men will know then that you can't keep your wife in line, and that would be tragic.

Secondly, it is unacceptable to hit her in a place that would cause damage. Therefore, punching her in the spleen would be a no-n0 if you desire to beat her properly.

Thirdly, it is unadvisable to beat your wife when you are mad. Don't wait until you're angry to start hitting her. Hit her only after she ignores your 11th warning, but are still calm enough to not get carried away. A toothpick is a good tool to use when beating your wife, according to some Muslim scholars. It is gentle enough to not do damage, but firm enough to get your point across- "Woman, you've really pissed me off now!"

*note: I've never been to the Middle East, so I don't really know about their tooth-picking habits. However, the tooth pick used to illustrate this rule in the video is the longest frikkin tooth pick I've ever seen!

Also, you may not use your feet. Kicking the shit out of your disobedient wife is just bad form.

Slapping is forbidden as well. That's how you get your point across to children and animals, not grown women.

Don't believe me?

You can watch the actual broadcast and see for yourself, or you can read about it on Fox.

How's that for a marriage seminar?

PS- I am in no way advocating domestic violence. Just relaying the news.