31 December 2007

Not That I'm Delusional or Anything

Several years ago, dh and I made a deal.

Well, it was less of a deal and more of an, "uh-huh. That'll happen." thing from dh, but regardless of whether or not he was being sarcastic (which he undoubtedly was), he said it. So, I get to hold him to it!

The deal was that, at our 10 year anniversary I could upgrade my ring. I don't want any other anniversary gift other than upgrading my ring.

There's nothing wrong with the rings I have now. I like them. But, you know, guys get to upgrade computers and game consoles- sometimes even cars, why can't I upgrade my ring? Just my engagement ring. And really, just the diamond. I wanted a diamond that was a tad bit bigger, and even better quality.

It all sounds terribly superficial, I know. I'll give you that. But I'm the daughter of a jeweler, who is always buying jewelry. And that's what happens.

Although I'm not that into jewelry. As in, jewelry stores are not my favorite places to shop. Usually I prefer to spend $300 extra dollars on a new ipod, or a new lens for my camera. Cuz I'm a geek like that. But every once in awhile I'll see something I absolutely love!


In the last several years I have specifically wanted 2 things jewelry related- a dragonfly pendant and a tanzanite right hand ring. I got the ring, and I'm still thinking about the pendant.

Anyways, diamond upgrade, 10 years.

So last night we were actually talking about my upgrade, and how ridiculous it was for me to want to spend extra money to get a better diamond (he says, not me, obviously). I agreed (a little... but just a little) and put the matter in the back of my mind for the next few years, when I get to take it out, dust if off and bring it up all over again.

However, I came across this jewelry website by reading a blog post by Kristi at A Beautiful Mess. She was going down a list of her wants, and she had a link to a ring she really liked. So, seeing that is was a link for diamond rings, I naturally followed. And that's when I saw this:

Yes, those are butterflies flanking the center stone.

Isn't it wonderful?!

It's incredibly gorgeous! I love every single thing about it. I love it's originality, it's detail, and I love that even with all those diamonds it doesn't look gaudy.

And the kicker- dh actually things it's quite beautiful as well (our taste in all things aesthetic differ quite a bit).

Not that I'll be getting it any time soon. Especially since this ring costs a whopping $3,900 (and that's the wholesale price). I'm not delusional or anything. Entirely.

But I'm printing copies of the images to put on my bulletin board, in my wallet, and under my pillow (you know how the tooth fairy comes and takes teeth from under the pillow and leaves $$$$ ? Maybe if I leave my rings under the pillow at night, the ring fairy will see the images of this one up here, and then trade my ring for it. And it will magically be exactly the right size! Maybe it will even come with a custom made wedding band to accompany it?).

It may be a long time before I get it. If I ever do get it.

But a girl can dream, right?

Right.

2007: My Year In Review

In 2007:

1. I learned that sometimes you have to do someone else's job for them to get what you need. Especially if you're dealing with medical clearances.

2. I realized that I can be friends with someone, even if our children aren't.

3. I learned how to knit socks and hats on two circular needles, instead of dpn's. I like it much better, except for the parts where I occasionally get tangled up in the needles hanging off the cable when moving from one to the other.

4. I learned that a lack of communication will sink a relationship faster than the Titanic. It doesn't take long to go from "extreme confidante" to "I know we share a bed, and have two kids together, but who are you again?"

Also, no one plays music as the relationship is going down…

5. I said good-bye to friends I'd made in my year in San Angelo, and learned to say "hello" to new ones.

6. For the first time in a very, very long time I was reminded of how it feels to be so far away from people whom I love and care about very much; not just family, but friends. Friends who have become family to me; who always made me laugh, who have seen me at my tired-est and absolute worst, and love me anyways; who always get my bizarre humor (and countered with oddities of their own). Friends who would actually become genuinely excited about the upcoming Pirates vs. Ninja's Dodgeball game for the Xbox 360. Friends with whom I have many things in common and great chemistry, to boot. These friends are just simply too, too far away.

I miss them all, and I miss them tons. Every day.

7. In a violent corporate-coffee-drinking coup which took place on my taste buds, Pumpkin Spice latte's were usurped as my seasonal favorite of choice and replaced by Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha (which is NOT the same thing as a peppermint mocha, or a white chocolate mocha. It is it's own entity. Don't make that mistake again!)

In 2008, I will:

1. Read at least 75% of the books I pay money to bring home, rather than having them languish with neglect on my bedside table. Or in my office. Or tucked away somewhere in the living room… (I am nothing if not organized. Ha! Had you going there for a second, didn't I?!)

2. Take better care of myself. This is a multi-faceted resolution:
Aside from actually using the gym membership my otherwise-for-coffee/yarn/books money goes to, I will remember to eat my fruits and veggies.
In non-liquid form even (although a Jamba Juice gives me more than enough of my RDA).

3. Actually include pics of finished objects (fo's) on my knitting blog (Just One More Row for those of you who are morbidly curious).

4. Worry less, play more.

5. Become a "screamfree parent"- or something very closely resembling one.

6. Spend less money on coffee and more money on... uh, ok. This one obviously needs some work. Do I even need to spend that money at all?

Haha!

Had you going again! Of course I do! Drop a habit, pick one up, I always say!

7. Overcome my complete and total anxiety and contempt for the drive up to Mt. Lemmon, and actually look at the scenery the whole way as dh drives us up there. How I feel about being there once we arrive is still open for negotiation.

How about you? What are a few of your goals for the New Year?

Photobucket

30 December 2007

2007 Award Nominations

A New Year is soon upon us.

We've survived the year and prepare to forge ahead into 2008, where more mistakes will probably be made, and more celebrations will hopefully be had.

In any case, learn from the mistakes of these folks and you will at least survive to see yet another year come and go!

2007 Darwin Awards

A few events that are in the running:

* What goes up must come down

20 June 2007, South Carolina

A 21 year-old couple was found naked in the road an hour before sunrise by a passing cabbie. The unconscious, injured pair was taken to the nearest hospital, where they died without regaining consciousness. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked cars or motorcycles.
Investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes, and nothing else. There was no indication of foul play, only of foreplay. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. Florence McCants said.
Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof.
This is a true Darwin Award trifecta: TWO people die, WHILE in the act of procreation, due to an ASTONISHINGLY poor decision. Bottom line: If you put yourself in a precarious "position" at the edge of a pointy roof, you may well find yourself coming and going at the same time.

* Beer For Bears

19 August 2007, Serbia

It's well known that alcohol impairs judgement. It's well known that carnivorous wild animals and humans don't mix. What happens when we combine all three? One might expect men, beer, and bears to combine with lethal consequences. Such was the case for a 23-year old man who inadvertently fed himself to Masha and Misha at the Belgrade Zoo.
The Zoo director said of the incident, "Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage."
The man's naked, mauled corpse was found inside the bear habitat, along with several mobile phones, bricks, and plenty of beer cans. His clothes were completely undamaged, suggesting that he approached the bears bare-naked by choice. The bears, fearing that his intentions were as dishonorable as they were ill-informed, meted out a summary justice.
Later, Masha and Misha "reacted angrily" when keepers tried to recover the man's corpse, but were eventually persuaded to give up their tasty prize. We await word on how many beers were bartered for the body.

29 December 2007

Which House is Which?

People in my neighborhood are already starting to take down their outdoor Christmas decorations (odd, considering they can't be bothered to take their trash cans in at the end of trash day!). This makes me sad, but not for the reason you might think it would. I am not mourning the passing of another holiday season. I'm mourning the loss of the ability to find my house at night.

You see, our house is, like, the 16th house on the block. There's even a street in between the main street and our house. But that only knocks the count down a few houses. So in addition to being the 16th on the block, we're the 14th after the first street on the right. See, not much difference.

You know how, when you're looking for someone's house, they usually tell you that they're the 4th house on the right, or right at the end of the cul-de sac, or some such thing? I can't do that!

In such situations, have you ever tried to count past the first 5 houses on the block? No? Try it. It is statistically impossible to count past the 5th house. It gets even harder if you happen to make it into double digits, because by then all the houses start to look the same and when you try to peek at the small house numbers on the front as you're driving by, you lose count. And then you're like, "Did I just past the 5th or the 15th house? Which way did they say it was again? How many houses have we passed? Now we have to turn around and start all over! Fuck."

We have lived in this house 7 months. 7 months! And sometimes I still go past my house and have to turn around and regain my bearings! In the middle of the day!

In the beginning, it was easy! We live in a brand new development, and we were pretty much the only residents down our way for much of the summer. Look for the solar lights by the driveway, the truck on the curb, and the "Protected by (insert security company here)" sign. Now, all the houses are occupied. And EVERYONE has solar lights by their driveway, a "protected by…" sign in front of their house, and parks their truck on the curb! Several of them are even the same color, so color coding doesn't work, either.

But, see, this Christmas our neighbors to the right put blue lights on the roof of their garage. So I knew we were the house right before the blue lights (obviously, this only works at night. I haven't come up with a good daytime solution, yet). And now they're gone. So I'm back to creeping through my neighborhood at 2 mph to make sure I don't pass my house.

And that makes me sad.

I discussed getting some obnoxious lawn ornament with dh, so I would have no trouble identifying our house during the day. He pretty much vetoed that idea as soon as it came out of my mouth. Not a fan of lawn decorations of any kind. And normally I'm not, either. But this is a matter of survival!

And I don't think the HOA would approve of us painting the garage door neon pink…

28 December 2007

Star Wars Celebrity Jeopardy

You've gotta love this! A parody of SNL Celebrity Jeopardy "starring" Sean Connery (of course), Keanu Reeves and Hilary Swank.



SNL Celebrity Jeapardy and Sean Connery

And then of course, a montage of the original SNL bits.
How can you NOT laugh at Trebek (played by Will Ferrell) being harassed by a hot octogenarian?!




26 December 2007

This Christmas: Greatest Hits

Just a few of my favorite photos over the last few days:

This photo has become one of my favorites, and needs a bit of back story.
A good friend of ours went into labor Christmas Eve morning, so dh went to pick up her 4 year old to hang out with us. She was supposed to spend the night, but was having a real hard time with it. Sometime in the wee hours of the morning (about 1 am), I stepped into A.'s room to see if they were sleeping. They weren't. Her friend, A.B., had her head in A.'s lap as they watched some movie together. A. was petting A.B.'s head, trying to comfort her. It worked. For a little while.


It was the sweetest thing I think I've caught on camera in a very long time. It is definately one of those moments that makes me so proud of A., and reminds me of what a truly wonderful and empathic child she is and always has been.

Oh, Christmas tree!

A. and dh duking it out to see who gets to play Beautiful Katamari first.


A. enjoying her l-max.


This game? Harder than it looks, people!




But not for A. She is the fishing pro of this house.


S. actually smiled for the camera! This is typically unheard of behavior for her.

Driving Ms. S.

She's gonna be a rock star someday!

Happy birthday to- uh, you?


Sleeping Away A Time Out

Here lies S.



Notice, that she is lying not too far from an office corner.

She is lying next to the corner because fifteen minutes ago, she was banished to that corner. Her infraction? Not only did she refuse to help her sister clean their room, she acted as if she couldn't hear me tell her to help clean the room.

I warned her 3 times that she would have to stand in the corner if she didn't do what she was supposed to.

There was a lot of crying emanating from that space in the office, until finally she started telling me that she was tired. But she always says that when she's a) in time out or b) supposed to be cleaning.

I guess this time, she really meant it!

Because one minute she's crying and telling me she's tired, and the next minute, all is quiet and when I look over at her, she's on the floor breathing softly with her eyes closed.

Is this what it takes to get her to nap?

25 December 2007

This Christmas

First things first:

Photobucket



For very many reasons, it has been pretty hectic leading into Christmas this year. I dreaded it, and couldn't wait for it to be over. But now that it is, it wasn't so bad. Except for the botched batch of fudge. And sweet potato casserole. But that's okay, cuz it was just us for Christmas dinner. So no one missed out on any of that stuff except for me. I love fudge. But it's probably for the best. I'm starting to pack on a few lbs. We do, however, have an apple pie sitting patiently on the counter. I suppose I'll have to break into that tonight. It will at least make me feel less guilty about eating it. Cuz there's fruit in it, you know? So, it must be better than fudge.

Today has been a pretty relaxing day, for the most part. It helps that everything is closed anyways, so there isn't anywhere to go if we wanted to. But that's fine by me. Finished one book and started another last night, finished one knitting project last night and made a lot of progress on my second knitting project today. So, despite us being home bound (or maybe as a result?), I've been pretty productive.

So, you may be wondering what Santa brought everyone this year?


Here, I'll show you!


I made this at a local pottery store called Paint Yourself Silly, where you can buy ceramics and paint them. I saw this, thought it would be perfect for dh, and wha-la. I even turned it into a candy dish! Not exactly from Santa, but I like to think I come in a close second.

The chocolates are already gone though. This time, not my fault!


A. and her coveted Leapster L-Max (they used to own a regular Leapster and seriously guys, one of the best toy investments we've ever made).

S. has her very own L-Max, too.


To dh from A., also from Paint Yourself Silly.

To dh from S., again, Paint Yourself Silly.



And last but not least, a child-friendly X-box360 game for the girls-Beautiful Katamari:


The goal? You start off with a little glob (your "katamari"- God love the Japanese), and you roll over things, which stick to your glob. You have to make it as big as you can in the allotted time frame. Here's a screen shot:

I have to admit, I'm not sure if the game is more for A. & S., than dh. But it doesn't matter. They sit together, take turns playing, he helps her and S. and everyone has a good time trying to roll over people and boats (really. You can stick people to your glob- katamari-. It's cool, too, because their arms and legs flail once they get all rolled up and I'm like, "sorry bitches. But a glob's gotta do what a glob's gotta do!") It's great!

There were many more gifts, of course. From Santa and us and everyone in between, but these were the biggest hits.

Plus, I took over 200 pictures and I don't want to inundate you with all the great photos I shot.
*say cheese*

Although I probably will post a few others tomorrow. But just a few.

I hope you're holidays are filled with lots of wonderful memories!

23 December 2007

The Not-Now Mom

I came across a devotional book for mom's that I'd bought a long time ago (well, ok. Maybe a year ago. But it seems like forever…); I'm A Good Mother: A Devotional Book For The not-so-perfect mom. It's been sitting on my bookshelf for that long. I think maybe I opened it once when I first bought it, then quickly shelved it and left it to gather dust. I don't know what got into me last night. I guess trying to read two other books and knit two projects at the same time just wasn't enough for me. So last night before bed (which is where and when I do most of my reading), I saved it from it's bitter fate of becoming a "Not-Read" book.

However, I must say that the title, for whatever reason, particularly appealed to me last night.

I already know I'm a not-so-perfect mom. This book was written for not-so-perfect moms. So maybe there would be some words of wisdom for me.

The devotionals are pretty short, but still I only managed to get through about ten pages before I closed it and placed it on top of the other books gracing my night table. But there was one devotional that got me to really thinking.

In a few short sentences Gigi Schweikert, the author, discussed how sometimes we, as mom's, get so caught up in the other things that need doing (laundry, dishes, cooking, car pooling, running errands) that we forget to stop and just enjoy our children in the moment. And when they ask for our attention, we often respond with, "not now", and send them off to wonder exactly when "now" will be.

The Not-Now Mom can be a sahm, just as much as she can be a working mom. After all, there are play groups and doctor appointments to get to during the day. Housework and grocery shopping. Cooking and then bathing.

It is quite possible to spend all day with your child and still be a Not-Now mom.

I know that first hand.

Because I am guilty of this. Very, very guilty of this.

Sure, I take the girls to playgroups and story times, as well as other various environments where they can play and be with other kids. But sometimes I just forget that they need an hour with me more than they need an hour with their newest friends at the mall playground. I know I need to have more positive interactions with them, rather than most of my interactions being for discipline. I see that very clearly right now.

I have a lot of work to do. On myself as a person, and myself as a mom. Perhaps perfecting one will enhance the other. I don't know.

I just know that from now on, I resolve to be less of a "Not-Now" mom and more of a "Yes-Now" mom.

Maybe then the girls and I will all become better people and build a much more special bond with each other.

Starting with Now.

21 December 2007

Someone, Stop The Madness!

I'm not much of a gamer. There was a time when I bought myself a Playstation 2 and spent all night trying to beat games (Parasite Eve comes to mind). But those days are long gone. Video games of such type just don't interest me before. I did go a little Sims crazy (pc version) when it first came out several years ago. Dh and I were dating at the time, and I think he found it a little confusing when I would tell him about how Barbra Simovich or whatever I named her, died in the swimming pool because she was apparently very tired and I didn't know it. So she swam when she should have been sleeping and then, poof, there was the grim reaper and then she was gone. Leaving behind nothing but a small gray tombstone on the side of the swimming pool. There were times he wasn't sure about whether I was talking about real people or not. I stopped playing a few years go,until Sims 2 came out. But after I had a family of my own, I felt guilty spending any time trying to take care of simulated people- getting kids off to school so they wouldn't be taken to juvy- when I had my own kids right outside the room to feed and change and play with.

But dh is a gamer, through and through. When we first met, I would go visit him in his room and he would be playing Unreal Tournament on his computer.

I do enjoy watching him play, though. Sometimes. Dead Rising, a zombie game that came out earlier this year, was fun to watch. The MC (main character) was a photographer. So in addition to fighting for his life because the helicopter pilot couldn't get him out of that zombie infested town soon enough, he got to take pictures for points. Super duper extra points for "action shots": catching zombies taking chunks of flesh off of cartoony characters who were neither smart nor fast enough to protect themselves. Part of the MC's mission in the game is to find "survivors" (video game morons hiding behind the counters, crying like babies while the zombies close in on them, instead of being quiet and trying to find themselves a really safe place) and bring them to safety- which is a store room or something like that (the setting is a mall). So he (Frank) goes out, kills some zombies, takes a few pictures, gets survivors and brings them to safety. Some of these "survivors" are whiny babies which made me think that Frank should have just left them behind since they obviously don't appreciate being brought out of danger by some brave and compassionate stranger. One of the prizes you get after you've killed like, a million thousand zombies or something like that, is a pitchfork which you can mount onto a shopping cart and just drive right through hordes of zombies, goring them right through the middle along the way. It was pretty funny. And then there was the freakazoid cult that had taken over the theater or something like that.

I liked watching that game.

And the more recent game I didn't mind sitting through was Bioshock. That game is about an underwater utopia created by a man who became disillusioned with the growing oppressive political and religious authorities in the "real world". And so he builds an underwater city as a utopia, which he believes will become an exemplary example of the way humankind is supposed to be. Things go incredibly awry, and this is where the MC, Jack, comes in. He is in a plane crash and happens upon this once-utopian underwater city. But it is in shambles, and society has become the exact opposite of the vision that Ryan, the city's founder, had for it. A good deal of the plot has to do with genetic alterations serving or destroying Rapture. Then there are these little girls, harvesters, who go are also genetically mutated, and go around harvesting blood from corpses laying around what's left of the city.

What I like about Bioshock was the plot was interesting, and the visuals were phenomenal. Rapture, being created in the 1950's, had a really interesting art deco look throughout. And the dialogue was interesting and well written.

This latest game- Mass Effect- is some space age game in which the dialogue is truly terrible in incredibly astronomical proportions. According to dh, Mass Effect has received very good reviews- including for it's dialogue. I'm not sure who these wackadoo's are that think that the dialogue in this game is any good. But I disagree with them, whole heartedly. Just being in the same room and hearing half the crap that spews out of these characters's mouths is painful in a way that would make military interrogators proud! As a new form of torture they could just sit their detainees down in a room, make sure they're handcuffed and lock them in. Then they would make them watch someone play this game. For hours at a time. After sitting through an hour of this game, I am sure the detainees will break, and spill everything they know, if only the game would be stopped.

For the love of God, just make it stop!

But I sit out here, because I am trying to be a loving wife- I like dh's company. And he, mine. I just hate this stupid game. It makes me hostile and prone to mocking whenever the characters begin talking. Consider the fact that I am already in a terrible mood today, and my feelings about this game multiply a hundred-million-thousand fold. Bad, bad, bad. I think it's just bad.

But I'll let him play until he's ready to retire. I'll just finish reading Carpe Demon, or work on the sock that I've recently frogged 52 rows of, and try to ignore the noises emanating from the speakers.

I need these Bose headphones- the ones that cancel out sound. I need them, and I need them NOW! But they're like, $200 or more.

*sigh*

Would anyone like to donate to my "stop the Mass Effect dialogue and help me save my sanity" charity?

Pretty please?

With a cherry on top.

19 December 2007

Wordless Wednesday: Making Rice Krispie Treats with Daddy

There are more, but I'm too lazy to fire up the other computer to put those pictures on here. Perhaps tomorrow I will post the others. Although, then, it wouldn't be a wordless Wednesday, now would it?







15 December 2007

Unaccompanied Minors

Dh and I went out on a date last night in (early) celebration of my upcoming 30th
birthday. We chose last night because a local kids gym, JW Tumbles, offers a babysitting service on Friday nights called Kids Night Out between 5:30-9:30 pm. Since the friends who usually watch the girls for us are due to have a baby any day now, we didn't want to ask them to babysit. So I was pretty excited when I saw this. The price wasn't too bad either. $50 for non-members with 2 kids for the entire night, and they give the kids dinner, snacks, activities, play around in the gym (A. loves the trampoline), and showed a movie. The girls had a GREAT TIME! When I walked them in, they kicked off their shoes and ran into the gym! They didn't look back as I signed them in, and they didn't even think to say good-bye when I told them adios, and left.

The itinerary:

It was actually difficult to think of what I wanted to do on our first evening out without the kids in months. If we do go out without them its usually during the day, so Tucson at night- very foreign to me. I finally decided on dinner (Great Wall China- yeah, I know. There's no of. But that's how they're advertised. Weird, huh?) and a movie (I Am Legend), since they're not things we can do easily and peacefully with the girls in tow.

We had to revise the plan at last minute, though, for several reasons:

I didn't even think about the traffic going each way at 5 pm on a Friday night! We left a little later than we should have, and so were running 15 minutes behind when we went to drop off the girls. With the traffic being what it was, we weren't going to be able to get to the restaurant, order, eat and run to be seated for the movie in time. Something would have to give. I decided we should just head to the mall, see how much time we have and eat at one of the few restaurants in that area. We headed towards Bamboo Asian Bistro to see about the wait. None in the bar area. Fantastic! We grabbed a seat, ordered our drinks and hurriedly figured out what we wanted to order so we were ready by the time the waitress came back to take it. A quick glance at my watch told me it was exactly 6 pm when we sat down. We had 45 minutes to eat, because the movie started at 6:55. Luckily, the restaurant was right outside the theatre, and we didn't have to wait, so it had to work out, right?

Oh, how naĂŻve we were!

Everything appeared as if it were going to go smoothly.

That was, until 6:30 came around and our food was nowhere to be found! Our table hadn't been visited by a waiter/waitress since they dropped off our appetizer (at least we got that!).

Then a waitress, who was not the same one who took our order but sometimes that happens, right?- came to our table with a bill. But she wasn't trying to get us to pay. No sirree. Judging by the credit card sticking out the top, my guess was that the rightful owners of that credit card had already paid and just needed to sign the receipt.

"Here you go, guys," she said with a smile as she held out the black bill putter-inner thingie. "You can just yada yada yada (I forget what else she said because I was trying to figure out how we paid for food we didn't receive, with a credit card that didn't belong to us)"

I looked at her.

"That would be great. But we haven't even received our food." I said.

She lowered the bill thingie and then she began to look confused. "No?"

"No." I replied. But dh saw a great opportunity for us to get the hell out of there right away so we could catch our movie, which would be starting in 10 minutes.

"But, that's okay, actually. If you could just take the meals off of our bill we'll pay for our drinks and appetizer."

Said waitress looked even more confused. Like, what, You don't want to keep waiting for your food. That was ordered over a half hour ago?

"We're kind of in a hurry." He added. More blank staring. "We have some place we need to be. We don't have time to wait anymore."

Finally, the situation seemed to register with the waitress.

"Ok." She said slowly. I'll just go check on that and I'll be right back. I'm so sorry. I hope you're not mad."

"We're not". Assured dh. Speaking for himself.

"I would be," she remarked as she walked away with the bill that wasn't ours. Thanks for sharing...

She disappeared into the back, returned to give the credit card to it's rightful owners (who were caddy corner from us and a table of 4 full of Caucasians, as opposed to our table of two, occupied by one very short Asian looking chick. How she got mixed up? I have no idea.) Minutes later the manager appeared with the new check, minus entrée which had been MIA (missing in action). He apologized and assured us that we would be taken care of if we ever came back. I wondered if he had put some magic code on our receipt so they would know we were supposed to be "taken care" if we ever came back. And then I didn't care. Dh put down cash (Thank God he had cash) and we raced into the theatre.

I had bought our tickets online ahead of time at Fandango.com. A smart thing, because of course the ticket line was super long and we were cutting it very close. We got to go straight to the podium and presented the ticket I printed at home. And then, wham-bam-thank you-ma'am, we were headed towards our theatre.

(Seriously, this is the best way to get your movie tickets. Fandango is a free service.)

We made it with minutes to spare. But, as we suspected, the theatre was packed. All the empty seats were being saved for others.

Except for the seats in the front four rows.

Grrrrrrrrr.

I hemmed and hawed about whether or not I wanted to just cash the tickets in for a pass and do something else, or sit in a front row seat and risk a major neck cramp from trying to watch the movie. I decided to find a seat, watch a few minutes of the previews to see how it felt and decide from there.

I did not realize how big that screen was! We ended up on the end of the third row from the front. A middle seat would actually have been better, but some teeny-boppers had already claimed them.

Double grrrrrrrrr.

Anyways, really big screen, reclining chairs= surprisingly comfortable and pleasant viewing experience.

So we stayed.

What wasn't pleasant, was the slew of teeny-boppers which had converged upon the theatre. You may remember, from my previous confession post, how I feel about teen-agers. Especially unaccompanied teen-agers. Actually, these were more like, pre-teens. None of them looked older than 15. Which really burned me up.

"We're sitting next to teen-agers." I growled to dh while the previews rolled. He patted my leg and smiled. God love him. So I tried to pretend they weren't there. But it was so hard to do because they. Wouldn't. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. (girls by the way. Yeah, I know)

They talked throughout the previews. Then they talked through the opening scene of the movie. And kept on talking for the NEXT HOUR! I know, because I looked at my watch before I finally said something. And when I say they were talking, I mean, softer than normal but louder than whispering. Finally, I leaned over and tapped the girl next to me on the knee.

"Excuse me, but do you guys think you could shut up for the rest of the movie?" I said. I tried to be polite about it. How did I do?

One of them looked at me like I just caught her with a joint in the back of a car with her 18 year old boyfriend.

"Sorry." They said.

Uh, huh.

I returned to reclining position, and then noticed the teeny-bopper boys in the row in front of us started up. I began creating an attack plan. Do I just hit them on the head and tell them to shut up, or do I stand up in my row and shout for all the talkers, particularly the ones under 21, to SHUT UP!?

Lucky for the entire theatre, (and for dh, too, I guess), those boys did shut up a minute later. So I didn't have to unleash my wrath on the entire teeny-bopper population during the rest of the film. Smart kids.

Which reminded me of this other plan I had devised (before we even had kids) about how I would handle letting my kids loose into the world without supervision. I'll share. You may find it useful yourself, one day.


Ghillie suits.

Snipers make ghillie suits in order to blend in with the terrain when they're on a mission.

We could just have a few of our friends trail the girls (secretly of course) while they're oot and aboot, and they could wear ghillie suits so that they're less noticeable. And then when the girls fuck up, they would jump up out of the bushes and start yelling at them like a drill sergeant, shocking and embarrassing them into submission: "Inappropriate behavior! By the power invested in me by your mom and dad, get into that corner right now, young ladies!"

And then they'd take the girls by the arm and escort them to the nearest corner, where the girls will stand with their nose in it- one minute for each year of their age.

Maybe they'd be so embarrassed, they'll mind their p's and q's the next time. If there was to be a next time.

I reminded dh of this plan after the movie. He pointed out one fatal flaw in my plan.

Tucson isn't exactly bush-land. Anyone in a ghillie suit covered with leaves and moss and branches and wearing camo paint on their faces is not likely to blend into an urban environment. They would just look sorta loony. I had thought about that briefly. But not seriously enough, I guess.

Damn.

"Well, what the fuck do we do, now? We can't exactly expect our friends to blend in with light polls and palm trees?!" I asked. He laughed.

I suppose I had my answer. This plan needs a little revising. But I've got at least another 7 years before I have to get it right. But the basic principle remains the same; friends follow, punish infractions, public embarrassment= repentance and proper behavior in the future.

How funny do you think it would be to see a 14 year old girl, all gussied up for a night on the town drinking Jamba Juice and watching PG-13 movies about vampires with her friends, standing with her nose in the corner of a crowded mall?

Pretty fucking funny, I think. But I may just be a sick, sick person. When it comes to unaccompanied minors, however, I stand my ground.

They should have to pass some kind of "acceptable behavior" test before they're unleashed unto the public alone. Much in the way they go about getting driver's licenses. They should go to an etiquette class (don't talk in movie theatre's, don't jump on bed displays in department stores when the clearly placed sign says to stay off the bed, and don't horse around on escalators- especially when other people are riding them). They would then get a permit, and finally take and pass a test before they can go anywhere without a parent or guardian.

Why hasn't anyone thought of that, already?

BTW, good movie, although very different from the book (dh read it a month ago when I am Legend began showing previews and filled me in throughout the weeks we waited for the movie to come out). Still, it was enjoyable and had a great message about the dangers of (even good) science and humanity. I highly recommend it.

All in all, a pleasant night for all of us.

Car Service Update

The "service engine" light that came on Wednesday morning went off yesterday morning.

I started the car, began driving with that damned orange "service engine soon" light staring me down. I blinked and then suddenly, it was gone! Poof! Like magic, it disappeared. And hasn't returned.

I guess it was a good thing we didn't drop a few thousand bucks to replace the transmission that now seems to be ok.

13 December 2007

What A Day

Have you ever taken your car into a shop or dealership to be serviced, and then decided that you didn't want them touching your car without a second opinion?

Well, as of today, I can safely say that I have. And you know what? Adopting a kid from China may be easier than having the dealership release your own car to you before any work has been done.

Here's the scenario. The service engine light came on in our SUV yesterday morning. I called dh and told him I was going to have the car looked at and asked if there was a good time so he could meet us at the dealership and take us home. We arranged to meet, I took the car in, explained the problem and headed home.

They called last night to tell me that my transmission- the transmission that is barely a year old- was faulty. They were getting two different codes and it was going to cost a shit ton of money to fix. For a factory refurbished model. I told the tech that I'd talk to my husband and let them know. We decided to get the car today, and take it somewhere else for a second opinion. Here's where it started to just chafe my ass.

We came in this morning around 8 am to pick up the car. To be fair, I hadn't told them yet I didn't want them touching our car and that we would be picking it up the next day. So there was a little confusion at first about lost paperwork and incomplete work orders (duh- cuz I didn't ok them to do anything).

Finally, the cashier gets a hold of a manager, who tracks down my paper work. The cashier eventually tells me I'm good to go, they're bringing my car around. Because I'm an honest person (usually), I reminded her that I may owe a diagnostic fee.

Oh.

Manager comes around again. This time he speaks to me:

Manager: did they explain to you what was going on with your vehicle?

Me: yes. Faulty transmission and around $3000 to replace with a factory refurbished transmission.

Manager: Is that with the discount?

(should he be asking me about their discount policies?!!!)

Me: That's what the technician said.

He looks down at some sticky note and nods.

Manager: yeah, that sounds about right. Did she explain to you the warranty that comes with the transmission?

Me: (becoming very agitated) Yes. She did. But I don't want my car serviced.

Manager: (looking confused) So, are you going to have the transmission fixed?

Uh, did he really ask me that question?!

Me: yes. Just. Not. Here.

He gives the cashier the work order or something and walks away. The cashier begins ringing me up.

Cashier: Was it just too expensive?

Did she really just ask me that, too?!!

Why yes. Yes, she did.

Me: No. I'm just not convinced that our practically new transmission is the problem.

I may have been a little bitchy but, damn! I had been there fifteen minutes to pick up my car. And they were giving me the third degree, as if I were asking to take their car out for a spin. WTF?!!

Cashier raises her eyebrows, makes an "oh" with her mouth and tears the receipt off the machine for me to sign. By then I was too pissed to even act civilized. I just wanted my fucking keys to my car.

So, that was that.

And THEN I went to the bx to pick up some things. I stopped there because there is also a Starbucks in the mall and I'm a shameless addict who saves change left out and about by dh to cash in to buy more coffee. One stop shopping. This would be great!

First, an item I wanted to buy needed a price check. Ok. Someone comes back to tell me it's not for sale.

Me: but it was on the shelf…

Lady: it's just display.

Me: do you sell refills or ones that aren't just display?

Lady: no. We don't carry this item. It comes with the shampooer (I was trying to buy upholstery cleaner. The product was for Bissell. I have a Bissell…)

Me: but you don't sell refills?

Lady: no. this is just for display.

Since this encounter was pretty much riding on the heels of my exchange with the dealership, I was already aggravated. I may have been a little short with the cashier, who had absolutely nothing to do with the whole thing. But I was mad.

I take my shit and head out, hitting Starbucks on the way.

Barista: Welcome to yada yada, yada yada your order?

Me: I'll have a grande non-fat peppermint white chocolate mocha, please.

See, I wasn't so pissed yet that I forgot my manners completely.

Barista: I'm sorry but we're out of that right now.

Me: (trying to direct daggers from my eyes away from her heart) Are you serious?

Barista: I'm sorry. But we have regular mocha. Would you like to try that?

In my head: Are you fucking kidding me? A mocha is NOT the same thing as a peppermint white chocolate mocha. At all. They just have one word in common. They don't taste anything alike. Not to me, anyways.

Me: (shuffling the girls out the door) No. No, I don't.

I may have added, "have a good day." But everything at that point became hazy.

So, to recap:

Dealership sucks donkey balls

Bx sucks donkey balls

And How dare anyone compare a PWCM to a regular mocha?

Balls.


12 December 2007

The Battle of Wills

An entire afternoon lost due to me fighting a war of wills on two fronts. And I won. At least, I tell myself I won.


The girls were supposed to clean their room today. I offered each of them a piece of candy and a quarter once the job was complete. Excited about the prospect of getting some yummy candy, they scurried to their room. I'm not entirely sure they started cleaning right away, although A. did come out within the first half hour to tell me that "cleaning is boring". Well, no shit kid, but ya gotta do it. Well, I didn't tell her that. It was something more along the lines of, "I know. But if you do it you'll have your candy and quarter". She returned to her room where rustling was heard for awhile. Eventually (maybe an hour later) they both resurfaced with the request to look at their room for approval so they could get their promised reward. It was better, not to say that it still wasn't messy. There were loose pieces of paper scattered here and there, socks and clothes and toys peeking out from under S.'s bed. On all sides. Random toys lay hither and yonder, and even more clothes were in a mixed heap on A.'s side of the closet. I didn't know what was clean and what wasn't, so it all had to go into the laundry room. I told them to pick up the rest of the stuff. A. asked, "what stuff? I don't see anything else on the floor." Seriously, kid. I take the time to point it out, again and leave them to the rest. S. kept popping in and out of the room, followed by, "mom! S. isn't helping me clean!" I told her to just do it and she'll get candy and money and S. won't. So, since S. didn't want to help clean, I put her in the corner and told her she had a choice. She could stand in the corner or she could help A. clean. In the beginning, she would repent and then head back to the bedroom, where I would hear A. call out again about how S. wasn't helping. So for the next hour (yes, hour) it was, "get in the corner, S. Stay in the corner! STAY IN THAT CORNER!" It got to the point where she spent an hour in and out of the corner because she wouldn't help clean, yet wouldn't stay put.


A. gave a much more exciting performance when she decided she didn't want to clean anymore. Not even for candy and money (whose kid is this, anyways?). So, she too went into a corner. Where she wailed. And wailed. "I'm going to be good!" she promised, "I'm going to be good!" I finally let her out, where she loudly informed me that she wasn't going to clean anymore. Okay, back to the corner for a bit. So there was more wailing and gnashing of teeth before she decided she would again promise to finish her room. But by then my promise of reward became null and void. On account of having to ride their ass when they kept coming in and out to tell me they were bored of cleaning and/or weren't going to do it anymore. When she realized she woulnd't be getting her goodies after that, the no-shit-I'm-outta-my-fucking-mind hysterics began. But this time, her flair for the dramatic began to take over, which was quite entertaining, I must say.


First there was, "but I'll clean my room! I want my candy!" Then the classic line, "it's just not fair!" showed up. She ran from the kitchen to her room the first time screaming that the whole time. I came in with a trash bag to start getting rid of all the junk as she sat on the floor beside me. Hot tears were streaming down her face. I was tossing clothes and toys out of the closet to be sorted and put in the laundry room. That broke her even more. "You want me to clean my room and you're making a mess!"


"Yes, so we can clean it up." I told her. But you can't reason with a hysterical child. More wailing, less cleaning. More time in the corner. At one point she told me that I had "broken (her) heart" (yes, she really said that to me) and she was going to make me pay. So then came the flurry of, "if you don't give me my candy I won't love you anymore!" To which I respond, "that's very sad but you're still not getting candy, sorry. Those are very mean words, so why don't you go back into the corner for a little while?"


"No, I love you ! I love you!" she repeated. I shook my head. "Sorry." And on and on. I'll spare you the entire act, but I have to tell you that at one point, she was so filled with frustration and rage that when she got sent back to the corner again, she ran, almost tripped over her own feet and stumbled half-way there. Her arms flailing around her head the whole time. It makes me giggle just thinking about it right now. I'm so bad.


They were told to clean their room at 2:45. This went on until about 5:15. A. did eventually calm down, change her mind and clean up some more after I told her she could try again for some candy after dinner. S. stayed in the corner until dh came home at about 5. Nevertheless, the room is now clean. A. got the crayon and marker off of her closet door, dresser drawers and half of the crayon marks that had been scribbled in various places on her ladder (gotta love Mr. Clean Magic Eraser! She was totally impressed when I showed her how it worked and then turned it over to her to clean up. "It is like magic!")


The entire afternoon was a series of battles of wills between the girls and I. But the room is finally looking habitable with A.'s help, and S.- well, S. just wasn't willing to bend. Seriously, when given the option between cleaning for prizes or standing in the corner, she headed straight to the corner. Every time. Not that she would stay there, she wandered out occassionally, earning her more time in the corner (the clock starts over when they leave the corner. I'm a bitch. I know.) but that was her decision. What do you think that is all about?!!!

So, as I said, I like to think I won.

08 December 2007

I Have A Confession

I have a confession to make.


I hate teen-agers (in general. I'm sure there are a few good ones out there). HATE, HATE, HATE! I hate the drama (I know, it's the hormones, but it doesn't make it more tolerable), I hate the "I know better than everyone else" & "the world revolves around ME" attitudes. I hate it all. I hate them all. Particularly when they're out in public. Without adult supervision. I really hate them then.


I know, I know. "My kids will be teen-agers one day". I am well aware of this fact, and I had a plan. I was going to send them to my parent's when they turn 13. I'll send letters and care packages and money every month and in exchange, my parents will keep them until they turn 18. At which point they must a) go to college b) join the military or c) get a full-time job and move the fuck out of my house. I am NOT living with grown ass children who should be capable of supporting their basic needs: shelter and food. Just ain't happening for me or dh. Anyways, that was my plan. But due to recent events I have come to realize that I may have to just suck it up and endure their teen years myself (well, with dh also, of course). I am not fond of this fact. I love my kids. But I hate teen-agers, remember? Conflict.


I remember being a teen-ager once. I didn't like myself much then, either. Could be all that teen-age angst that all teen-agers go through. It doesn't matter. It's still aggravating as fuck, that "Oh, woe is me! Why does everyone hate me? Am I pretty/popular enough? Who will be my friend?" bullshit. Not that that was my attitude. It was quite the opposite, actually. Once we moved to NC when I was 15 I pretty much kept to myself. I didn't care about being popular. I just wanted to play soccer and graduate. Which I did. Btw, I know several adults who still didn't like me as a teen-ager. One of my mom's co-workers comes to mind. She used to call me a "pissy little brat". But she was a bitch anyways, so I can't tell you whether or not I was truly a pissy little brat or she just thought that because she was a hateful wench. However, it is possible that she may have been half-right.


And now these teen-agers have myspace pages. An unregulated forum on which to unleash their ridiculosity on the world. Oh, yay us.


End of rant.


On a lighter note, dh is the king of finding random shit on the web. The benefit is that he often finds really funny random shit, which I now must share with you, because you may be needing a good laugh right about now. I know I did!


First, a little background.


A flashmob is a group of people who arrange to meet in a public place to act out some random wierdness and then disperse to go about their separate ways. There are flashmobs everywhere, Dallas, Boston, Phoenix. You can go to Flashmob.com for more info.

Well, this Swiss flashmob based their act on this Xbox 360 commercial that has been banned. I happen to like this commercial, by the way. Especially the two guys at the end. But the re-enactment is great, too. Because real people, not actors, got together to do this. Doesn't it look like fun?!




How can you have a bad day after that?!

07 December 2007

What Was I Thinking?

Call me ignorant. But I've never seen the Polar Express before. I've caught snippets over the last few years, but not enough to give me the big picture. But it's Christmastime and it's on and I figured it was something the girls would like. I mean, every other kid in the first world seems to enjoy it!

I happened to notice that it was coming on tonight (at 9 pm- wtf was I thinking??!!!) and brought the girls into the living room so we (yes, me, too) could watch it together. Well, it's 10:30 pm right now. And I just want to go to sleep! But we have to finish- I told them they could watch it and so I'll hang in there.

My conclusion so far?

It's really a little fucking creepy and long (especially with commercials. We have one hour left to go). And I don't like it. I'm not sure how this kid even got on the train for the North Pole or what the moral of the story is. And I'll tell you what else. I probably won't find out tonight, seeing as I'm going to lay down in a minute and watch them watch the Polar Express. And I don't care. Not in the least fucking bit.

And, I'm out of all things chocolate. I took care of the chocolates in the girls's halloween stash awhile back and now there's nothing else. And that makes me sad. Must buy brownie mix at store tomorrow.

06 December 2007

Oops, I Did It Again

*sigh*

I did it again. Walked out of a store with more purchases than I meant to buy going in.

Let me explain.

Tonight, Borders had this holiday open house event with crafts and what not for the kiddos. It seemed like the perfect thing- the girls get to craft, I get to browse through books. I had a freshly (well, sort of) printed coupon for 25% off one regular priced item and there was a certain sock knitting book I have had my eye on. So around 6:15, I pack up the girls and kiss dh good bye, leaving him to put another coat of paint on our splotchy, and bleeding-red walls.

There was a craft table with a few things going on and the girls dove in and crafted their little hearts out with glitter glue and buttons while I looked through 3 books I had picked up off of the "buy 1 get 1 half off" table: The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen, Those Who Save Us and Ines of My Soul. At least two of those books (the last two) I have been wanting to read for some time now. But after I read the first chapter of The Lost Memoirs, I couldn't decide which two of the three to get! Meanwhile, the girls finished crafting and we moved on to look at the knitting books and then take another turn around the "buy 1 yada yada" table. Then I see another book I'd seen awhile back and wanted to read. I had forgotten all about it. Girl Meets God. Well, I definitely had to have that one. By then I had put the Allende book back, but after picking up Girl Meets God, it seemed silly to only buy 3 of the books when I could get a 4th one half off, too.

Eight pm rolled around. Now, I don't know about you, but when my kids are tired they act anything but like what I imagine tired children should act like. They don't become glassy-eyed and lethargic. They don't become quiet and sullen. Quite the opposite. A.'s timer went off and she totally freaked when I told her it was almost time to go. Screaming and crying right there in the craft book section. I threatened her with a trip to the bathroom before we left, and she simmered down a little bit.

A fly-by the café was a great distracter, turns out, because they had sample peppermint mocha frapps out on the counter. They looked wonderfully delicious and were loaded down with whip cream and candy cane pieces on top. I handed each of them one, took one for myself and off we went to take another trip around the fiction section (I'm much like a shark in bookstores. I kind of circle around and circle around while I try to make up my mind). They were quiet for a bit (well, except for the slurping coming from their straws) as they trailed me. Until it was really time to go home. "Nooooooooooooooo!" A. wailed. I'm not sure what I did to calm her down that time, but whatever it was it worked long enough for me to pay for my books (all four of them) and get them out of the store without further incident. A. did, however, begin making "vroom vroom" noises as we walked out to the car. And kept going until I told her to cut it out. Which, of course she responded to with, "but why, mama?"

Grrrrrrr.

Quick trip into Best Buy, where I came windshield-to-windshield with some moron who I'm not even sure is of legal driving age (I'll get to that later) and then back into the car for the trek home. And neither of the girls would stop talking or stop moving. Even when we got home. A. stood next to me at the dining table at one point, bouncing bouncing bouncing like the fucking energizer bunny. It was driving me bonkers! Until finally I sent them off to shower (they cannot handle the responsibility of bath time, so they shower now. Also, I have to ration out their soap and shampoo and then put it away after they're received the proper portion. They can't handle the responsibility of being within close proximity to full bottle of body soap, either) where I let them whoop and holler all they want while I tried to figure out why the fuck itunes wasn't burning my playlist to a blank cd.

All this to say, I bought four books I didn't intend on buying tonight and didn't get the one book I did intend on getting with my 25% off coupon. I'm still trying to figure out how that happened. And I'm still not sure. But I can say for sure that it just seemed wrong to walk out of the bookstore without at least Girl Meets God.

Now, this nice, new stack of books is sitting right next to the monitor, where it will stay until I figure out whether or not to take two of them back and get the knitting book I intended to buy going into Border's in the first place. But then again, I now have them. Here, at home, where they can join the other five or so books I've bought throughout this year with the intention to read but not having gotten around to it. In fact, there's becoming a cozy little gathering of the "unread" between my book case and my night stand. I'm afraid if I keep them all, they'll be forgotten when another book comes out that catches my interest when I happen to have spending money. As a result, my ever expanding collection of "books I wanted to read, bought and then never read" will continue to grow even larger. And then one day all those unread pages will take over my house, my life, my marriage...

Maybe I should just stick to making a wish list in my blackberry and prioritizing so that when I am ready to read, I can buy the book I will actually read. Right then. Until I'm finished.

*sigh*

Oh, bother.

Okay, now onto the moron at Best Buy. I had a diagram all drawn out and everything but it's getting late and I'm getting tired! So here it is in a nutshell:

I turned down the parking lot to find a spot. Some idiot chick in a faded gray van was perpendicular to the parking spaces, blocking the entire throughway. So I stop. She backs up, I wait for her to go around my car (you know, like, on the correct side of the road). She backs up, then pulls forward so we are literally inches away from being bumper to bumper. I can see her perfectly, and she doesn't look as if she intended to move. Ever. Which means I can't go forward to park. After sitting in my car and staring at her for at least 15 seconds, I moved. Backwards. But didn't get very far because cars were coming into the parking lot, too. She was still sitting there, on the WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD waiting for fuck knows what. Finally, FINALLY- just when I was starting to think that maybe her car didn't go backwards and began taking pity on her, the dumb bitch BACKS UP, pulls around me and then drives away. OH, OH, AND- she looked at me as if I were the fucking moron as she passed my car on her way out. This bitch took up minutes of my evening because she didn't know how to drive in a parking lot! PEOPLE!

Right-o.

Bedtime, mommy-o's.

05 December 2007

Wordless Wednesday: Snow Comes To Tucson (sort of)

Taking this concept from some of my blogosphere buddies, I hereby present you with my very first Wordless Wednesday: