The Airing of Grievances

I'll put it right out there. I'm not a Seinfeld fan. But I was fortunate enough to catch this episode somehow and you know what? It's fucking awesome! Probably the most brilliant idea to come from any sort of sitcom, EVER!

Of course, I'm talking about Festivus, folks.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Festivus, it is a fictional holiday created by George's (one of the main characters) father. One of the Festivus traditions is the "airing of grievances". This is the part I have come to love so much. Because there are so many people in my life right now that I would just love to sit down and shout, "I gotta lotta problems with you people!" And then start going down the line with all the things they are doing and saying that somehow become my problem, which in turn causes me to strongly reconsider laying myself across some therapist's worn out couch and staying there. For a long, long time. Under heavy sedation.

And what better time to do such a thing than around the holidays, yeah? Because you know what happens after Christmas? The New Year. And people make resolutions that they'll be lucky to keep in the first 24 hours. Which makes the "airing of grievances" perfect for this time of year. Because then I have a reason to say all the things I'm unable to say the other 365 days without sounding like some tactless bitch. Anything to nurture the holiday spirit! And maybe what I have to say to these folks will give them something to think about. And they will conclude, you know what? Lynn is right! I do tend to (insert incredibly annoying and self-destructive behavior here)! This year I will resolve to be a better person and stop doing this or start doing that! And then I won't have to waste any of my time telling some stranger how and why these people are driving me bat-shit crazy throughout the entire fucking year, and figuring out coping strategies that do not involve me shaking the shit out of them until they can no longer see straight. Sometimes, my hands twitch at the very thought of them, and I look frantically around for a set of shoulders to grab. And then I remember that I am a grown woman. I have to be mature, right? Set an example for my girls about how to deal with such relationships. But seriously, if it weren't for the fact that several thousand miles separates me from them (Thank God for small favors, right?) I might have done it by now. I might have gone down the line and shaken them all up like snowglobes, and hoped that the falling snow would knock some sense into them.

Can you tell I'm just a little bit frustrated?

For your viewing pleasure, I present thee with a clip from Seinfeld's Festivus episode:

Happy Festivus for the rest of us!