We are NOT desert people…

And I'll tell you why.

Dh just killed a fucking rattlesnake in our house. It was, thankfully, just a baby. But it was still a fucking rattlesnake, and it was in my fucking house- across the hall from my girls. A. saw it first and started screaming. DH heard the screaming and thought he would investigate. It barely registered at first (I was caught up in some GOD AWFUL movie, more on that later), and then I thought they were playing. Thank God he got up, he saw the snake in the hallway, shouted at the girls to get on A.'s bed (top bunk) and had me get A.'s big ass walking stick we took home with us from our last trip to Mt. Lemmon. It was long enough, and thick enough to do what we needed it to do (more accurately, what he needed to do), which was smash the hell out of that fucking thing until it was no longer moving. At all.

This may sound silly, but I'm very proud of A. for screaming enough to get our attention, and not trying to look at it and investigate for herself. And for listening when dh told her to get on her bed, and for looking out for her little sister. She's taking this quite well. By the time dh got rid of it, I was shaking. And then while he was disposing of it (placed in a rectangular tupperware container, taped shut, and then wrapped in 3 force flex trash bags), I was on the verge of tears. I may have actually shed a few. Or several. Then I had to call someone. So first I tried my sister (not caring, in particular, that it was at least midnight on the E. coast) and then I called my friend, K. until I was able to stop thinking about all the things that could have gone WRONG. I still, can barely breathe right, and I'm wondering if my left over valium would calm me down and if so, how much would reach a therapeutic level (I'm not talking about an overdose, people. I want to be settled, not dead. Just thought I'd clarify).

What bothers me the most is that I have no idea how the fucking thing got into my house to begin with. We suspect through the garage, and then into the laundry room, which is the room between the garage and the hallway into the house (which I STUPIDLY left open all day the other day because I was so excited the girls were napping and didn't wake up when I carried them in from the car. The door between the garage and the laundry room, not the actual garage door.) And then the door from the laundry room into the hallway was open…

So tomorrow, I'm calling professional snake handler people (of which there is no shortage of in Tucson, AZ) to see if there are some preventative measures we could take. And they're number is programmed into my cell phone, and by tomorrow afternoon, will also be in all 3 handsets for the house line.

Meanwhile, dh did some research and here are some suggestions for handling it (which I will be reviewing periodically for good measure. Like a code green or something) if it ever happens again (God willing, it won't):

1- it's a good idea to get something in between you and the slithery invader

2- If you can (safely) find something to throw over it like a shirt of a jacket, do. A blanket is perfect. Because you can toss it on the snake to slow it down and then put books or weights or whatever heavy thing is available to put on the edges of the blanket to basically immobilize it until you can a) find a nice long walking stick to smash the shit out of it with under the blanket, or b) call professional snake people to come handle it and wait on the top of the kitchen counters while the blanket is clearly in view, until they arrive.

3- There was a 3. But now I can't remember. Did I mention I was still in the throes of a mild panic attack?

Because I am TERRIFIED of snakes, real or imagined, slimy or fake plastic, dead or alive. I didn't even want to go near the office (where the snake met it's tragic demise- tragic for it. Quite triumphant for us) while dh was wrapping it and triple bagging it until it was out of my house and enclosed in our trash can in the garage.

I don't even know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. Seriously.