Get your trash can out of the street, will ya?!!

I hate home owner's associations. So much so, that I refuse to even capitalize the first letters. They are not deserving of the respect that capitalized first letters demand. They, much like Dreamweaver and Word 2007, are the devil's brainchild. I'm convinced of that. They exist to collect money and strike fear in the hearts of residents who may forget to tear out a few weeds once in awhile. You pay the monthly association fee, then you pay a fine for whatever egregious infraction you've committed, and they make money doing nothing other than stalking your lawn, putting tick marks down for the number of days the weeds remain before you finally pull them.

Home owners associations are practically terrorist organizations.

The one we had in MD sent out a newsletter every month. Which was great because it filled me in on all the ridiculosity that abounded in the hallowed halls of the community room or wherever it is these crazed people come up with their dumb shit rules. One month they purchased a digital camera. Yeah, that's how our hoa fees were being spent. They purchased a camera. And you know why? So they could take pictures of people who were not cleaning up their dog's shit, and have proof that they were violating an hoa rule. Not cleaning up after your dog is rude and disgusting, I will agree. But hiding behind a bush with a Canon powershot and photographing the incident like some private investigator trying to catch a cheating spouse, just so you can prove that citizen x is rude and disgusting is stupid in truly astronomical proportions! How about just jumping out of the bush and saying nicely, "maybe you should pick all that shit up. You know, with the plastic baggies we provide at the pet poop stations throughout the neighborhood." Although I must admit that the very idea of some anonymous hoa "official" running around like 007 and trying to catch people leaving steaming piles of dog shit behind sort of cracks me up. What those people need, are hobbies. Any hobby. Three legged kite flying, or underwater basket weaving- anything will do, because those people were obviously leading unstimulated lives, leaving them with copious amounts of time tending to unimportant, mundane shit. There is a war going on overseas with thousands upon thousands of our country's men and women risking their lives for whatever, and these people are running around fining people because they're grass is more than 1/10" high, or painting their door red when red is clearly unacceptable (which they would have known if they'd dug out their hoa rule book, followed protocol and filled out a permission slip before painting). Ugh!

Can you tell I find hoa's truly detestable organizations?

However, I understand why they exist, in general. They want to keep the neighborhood looking clean and like a good place to raise a family- or a pack of dogs- whatever. I can **cringe** respect that. But just a little bit. As in teeny tiny. Like, nano-tomical proportions (yes, I made that word up. Deal). That much.

Which leads me to the point of this rant.

Trash day.

Today is Friday. Trash day, was Tuesday. 3 days ago, everyone in the neighborhood rolled their big blue and green trash cans onto the street so that the city could collect our refuse. And they did- the city fulfilled their end of the bargain. By the end of the day, recycling and trash had been collected and hauled off to slowly decompose in a landfill somewhere. So there is no longer a need to keep your trash cans IN THE STREET until next Tuesday. But that is exactly what has been going on with my street this week. On Wednesday, at least 5 houses still had their trash cans out on the street, and one of our neighbors kept their trash bins right outside their garage door until yesterday. Could you be any more lazy? Is it so hard to open your garage door with your automatic garage door opener and go the extra few feet to secure your trash can in your garage? Is it? Honestly, people.

So you may be wondering exactly what the lazy neighbors have to do with me. I'll tell you.

I wouldn't care if they left the trash cans out by their front door because it's more convenient on a daily basis. Back to our house in MD- we lived in a end house in a row of townhouses. We didn't have a garage or a carport. So the residents living in the 2 middle houses had to haul their trash cans out of their back yard and around two other houses to get their trash into the street so it could be picked up. Or drag it through their house. And who wants to do that? So our one neighbor left his trash can in the front of his house, by his front door. But it was out of the street, and you could barely see it because it was placed behind some big ass tree. This poor, well-meaning neighbor got a warning letter from the devil's organization for leaving his trash can where it was visible from the street. Give me a fucking break. It wasn't an eyesore in any way. It wasn't like this guy had trash bags heaping up by his door, or in his lawn. It was a green trash can behind a green tree. That, to me, is an unreasonable concern on the part of the hoa, and a completely acceptable reason for keeping his trash can in the front of his house. Did I mention it was obscured by a fucking tree?

There are no trees to obscure trash cans here. I mean, we have trees. But they're scrawny and sad in comparison to the fullness of the trees we had around our house in MD. And anyways, I happen to know that most people, if not all people, living here keep their trash cans in their garage because it's out of sight and because it's closer to the kitchen. So where are these lazy people putting the trash they accumulate on the days following trash day if their trash cans are still out on the street? Who knows. Who cares. Except when your fucking trash can blows out into the middle of the road because it's been sitting there for 2 days, and it's been windy all day and you're not home to pick it up and IT'S NOT TRASH DAY- that's when I care!

Leaving the street to embark on some child-friendly excursion the other day, one of the at least 8 trash bins left out (2 per house. One green, one blue) blew right into the middle of the fucking street. If it were Tuesday, and that happened, okay. It's trash day, after all. But the day after trash day and it becomes a major annoyance. And I was already in a terribly pissy mood. I saw the trash can- like a big green target right in the middle of the road- and immediately felt an intense urge to just drive right over it. Except they're kinda big and bulky, so I wouldn't have run over it so much as pushed it along in front of my car until I decided to drive around it and leave it behind. And I had the girls in the car. I try not to do really stupid things when I have my daughters. Especially if we are in a vehicle. I save the retarded shit for when I'm alone.

Anyways, that really pissed me off. But then I turned the corner and forgot about it. But today I notice a lonely blue trash bin STILL OUT on the curb (different neighbor, though). And it made me mad all over again, because as I said earlier- is it really that difficult to just drag the fucking thing in when you come home from work and get out of your car? It's not like we're walking a fucking city mile to drop off and pick up our trash cans. They're right in front of the house! A slalom over (er- behind) that trash can could have been fun. And then the neighbor would come home with no trash can in the street and no trash can in their garage. What would they do then, huh? Maybe then they'd learn.

But again, the girls were with me. And no dumb shit with the girls in the car.

I may have to make a solitary trip into town tonight…