Um, yeah those who-cakes are for me

You know how, every once in awhile you get excited about a movie coming out? You may even occassionally (particularly if you're a parent) you even become excited about the occassional children's movie.

Well, at least, I do. My movie-obsession this month? Horton Hears A Who.

I can't really explain it. I've never seen the classic, and as far as I know, I haven't made it around to reading Horton Hears A Who- for my children or myself. But that's not even what I've been especially excited about.

I was excited about the IHOP Who-Cakes, created in honor of the movie release (God bless them for that!).

I happened to take a gander at the IHOP site on Friday (occasionally I "window shop" restaurant websites. I'm sick, I know) and saw the 4 who-cake specials. The stack of pancakes have this colorful blue and pink boysenberry syrup-type sauce drizzled on it with nerds-type candles sprinkled throughout. And then there's the pink (bubblegum flavored) lollipop sticking out the top. It came with "green eggs" (eggs with spinach) and ham. Yum. It was all I could think about when I went to bed that night.

So Saturday we're out and about town, and I didn't get a chance to eat breakfast since we had to dash to A.'s Soccer Pre-Season meeting. Not surprisingly, I started to get a little hungry not to long after finishing up. I mentioned to dh how hungry I was, since I had missed breakfast. Well, he asked, what do you want?

I didn't really have to think about it, although at first I felt a little silly admitting it.

"I want who-cakes" I finally said. He smiled. He may have even laughed. Now that I think about it, I'm almost sure he laughed. I started to backtrack. I guess I don't care, I replied.

But dh being the wonderful hubby he is said (once he finished laughing) "if you want who-cakes, we'll get who-cakes". Maybe he only did this to get his daily dose of "wierd things my wife does" episodes.

Do I really have to tell you that ordering the Jo-Jo kid breakfast (smaller portions than the Mayor's breakfast) amused him to no end, and he laughed. Again.

So we ordered.

Of course, when the food finally came, the waitress started to set my breakfast in front of S. I reached out to take the plate from her. "Um, those are actually for me" I admitted as I ogled the yummy looking short stack.

"It's okay." She told me as she doled out everyone else's plates. "You're not the first."

That made me feel a little less silly. But just a little.

Need I say that dh spent our entire mealtime suppressing fits of laughter as he watched me eat my food.

Oh, and by the way. The food- YUMMY! The spinach and eggs were interesting, but still good. That's the best I could come up with.

No child can resist the allure of a lollipop. Especially not one sticking out of a short stack of pancakes (which I ended up sharing with the girls because they wanted a taste of my who-cakes, too). A. almost tricked me into giving her my lollipop. But just in time I realized, this lollipop came with my breakfast. And I will unabashedly admit that I, like a selfish child unwilling to share their favorite toy, reminded her it was my lollipop and stuck it in my mouth.

Harsh! Some of you may be thinking.

How ridiculous! You others may want to scream at me. Taking candy from a kid.

I know! I know! It's probably a little of both (but is it really like taking candy from the baby if it's my candy their after?) But I enjoyed those who-cakes so much that I almost forgot that I was the adult!

I have yet to see the movie.

I'm contemplating either going with the girls (maybe dh, too) or just jetting off to watch it myself while dh stays at home with the girls.

But that would be too weird.

Or would it?

Either way, try the breakfast guys! It's muy muy delicioso!

I'm Fucking Matt Damon

No, really, I'm not.
But according to this video, Sarah Silverman is. Go girl!
Some of you may have seen this already, but you should watch it again because it's pretty fucking funny!



Jimmy Kimmel, Sarah Silverman's boyfriend, didn't take this laying down (so to speak). Here is is response:



How awesome is that?!

The “Don’t Show Santa” Video Series

I have some pretty brilliant friends. Most of them are pretty brilliant without even thinking about it, which makes them even more, well, brilliant.

Let me explain.

Last week I was telling a few friends about this colossal melt-down both girls had at the mall a few days earlier. I'm going to spare you the details of what was perhaps the most stressful 30 minutes of my life and just say they were world-class fits. They were going off at the same time and we were in public!

So I was telling S. and A. (my friends, not my kids) about how I just started singing to them, telling them in verse how they were going to be in trouble when we got home as we were making our way out of the mall and into our car. They were wailing the whole time, but I just kept singing. I had to. It was the only thing keeping me from handing them off to a stranger with the promise of a notarized letter transferring parenting rights to them within 24 hours.

Of course, because it wasn't her, and because it was over, S. thought it was pretty amusing. Honestly at that point, I did, too. But then she said something so brilliant she deserves, like, a Nobel peace prize for parents.

"Do you ever think to record them when they get like that?" she asked us jokingly. "I know that I always try to record A. (her son) when he's doing something cute, but wouldn't it be great to catch him having a fit like that?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "It would be awesome!"

So, fast forward a week to this past Wednesday.

I don't even remember how it started (do we ever?). I just know that A. (my daughter, not my friend) started throwing this fantastic fit, refusing to go into her room when I told her too, and crying about how she didn't want to lay down. I picked her up under her armpits and placed her inside her room, where she crumbled to the floor like feta cheese on a greek salad and resumed her screaming there. We'd all been sick all week. And on that particular day my throat was hurting really badly, so I wasn't much in the mood for screaming or yelling. I did ask her to kindly cooperate, seeing as how I wasn't feeling well. But she didn't care.

Wah, wah, IT'S NOT FAIR! Wah, wah! She wailed. I shut the door and stood outside of it. Less than a minute later I hear this thumping around coming from her room. It did not sound good. I opened her door to see that she had turned over her plastic kitchen and her rocker chair.

"Oh," I said. "You want to start throwing things around you're room, huh?"

I took the kitchen and the chair out.

"Are you going to leave the tv and dvd player alone or should I take those too?"

"Noooooooo!" she replied.

Alright.

And then back to the screaming and wailing- this time about how it wasn't fair that I took her chair (she didn't care so much for the kitchen right then, I suppose). I stared at her, at a loss as to how to handle this.

And that's when I remembered my conversation with S. last week.

Without saying anything I went and found dh's camera, which takes videos. I walked back to A.'s room where she continued to carry on and turned the camera on.

At some point she turned her head and noticed I was recording her.

"Noooooo!" she cried. "Don't take a movie of it!"

"Why don't you tell me why you're upset, again?" I asked. She got up off the floor, went behind her door and tried to shut the door on me. Unfortunately for her I was close enough to put my foot out and stop it before it could close on me.

So not cool.

I went behind the door where she was trying to hide and raised the camera up to her face.

She calmed down enough to tell me again that she didn't want me to take a video of her.

"Are you going to stop throwing things around your room?" I asked.

"I don't want you to show it to Santa!"

"Are you going to be good?" I asked again. She nodded and agreed to lay down for a little bit. When she started up again a minute later, I just went back in with the camera and started recording. She calmed down as soon as she saw the lens pointed at her.

I set the timer for 15 minutes, but somewhere about minute 8 she thought she'd try sneaking out of her room.

Again, I grabbed the camera, turned it on and told her she had 7 minutes left. A. took one look at the camera, crossed her arms and then stomped back to her room, where she stayed. Quietly. Until the timer went off.

That was all it took.

I would love to show you the video, but I promised her I wouldn't show it to her friends or to Santa (who just might read my blog, you know).

Just know that this has become my favorite discipline technique! We've only had to take the camera out two more times since then. Her last outburst didn't last very long.

So now I carry dh's Canon with me, to gather evidence for Santa when they act up in public.

I imagine we'll have a nice little collection of Don't-Show-Santa videos by the time Christmas rolls around this year.

Or maybe not…

Stranger things have happened, right?

Stupid Human Trick Lessons

Stupid Human Trick Lesson #1

It is not a good idea to talk while trying to spit into a trash can where the lid pops up when you step on a pedal. It's a guaranteed collision course to smacking your nose right on the edge of the lid. Especially if you are not paying any particular attention to where the lid is in relation to your nose.

And it hurts.

Stupid Human Trick Lesson #2

It is not a good idea to jump through a moving hula hoop onto a yard landscaped with pokey rocks. Your hands will get scratched up.

And it hurts.

You’re making a mess, mommy

S. walks into my office with her hands on her hips. She looks around and sees the cabled knit squares I was putting together on the floor.

S: Hey, you're really making a mess on the floor!

Me: Oh, I am, am I?

S: (comes closer to investigate. Steps on top of the squares) Yes, you are. Stop it.

Exit, stage left.

In the living room to dh and A.

S: Mommy's really making a mess in the office!

A: Yeah, I know.

Japanese Zombie Game

This may be the funniest video I've seen in months! I love it, almost as much as the Japanese women's self-defense video.

Bonus- It's sub-titled, which is really what makes this video even more hilarious!

A Little Lesson In Manners From A.- sort of

A: Can we watch cartoons?

Me: Ak your daddy if it's okay

Dh: Sure

(we walk into the living room)

A: Is spongebob on?

I flip to Nick.

Me: No spongebob.

Flip to Noggin

Me: But Little Bill is on. Lucky me.

A: Is Little Bill one of your favorites?

Me: Yeah, not so much.

A: Why not?

Me: Because I think he's obnoxious (never mind she has no idea what this means). Much like Ruby in Max and Ruby. She's rude and mean.

A. thinks about this.

A: But you're rude and mean.

Me: EXCUSE ME?!

A: When I'm bad, you're rude and mean. Just like when Max is bad, Ruby is rude and mean.

I think about this.

Me: I suppose you're right. Except that Ruby is sometimes rude when Max is not bad. But good thinking. I love you.

A: (smiles) I love you, too.