Potty Trainers Anonymous

*Note: This will be the LAST post about potty training EVER. I'm sick of thinking about it, so I'm sure you're sick of reading about it. Thanks for sticking around!*

Hi. My name is Lynn, and my 3 year old doesn't use the potty.

That's right, folks. Potty training boot camp is officially a bust.

This past week I finally got a hold of more plastic panty covers and began using them over real panties, instead of the plastic panties with the liner. And you know what?

Not only was I still shampooing wet spots off of the upholstery and carpeting, I began cleaning trails of pissy foot prints off the floor with Lysol wipes and Pinesol.

We did give it a break for a few days, because not only was S. not using the potty- even after replacing the plastic panties with plastic panty covers- but she began crying every time she peed her panties and we had to clean her up and change her! I didn't think that was such a good development. So we put her back in pull-ups and went about our business.

S. quite obviously isn't ready to use the potty at home, yet. Just in libraries and malls, apparently. But then today she said she wanted panties on so I put them on her, thinking maybe we've made progress since she requested.

Ha ha! The jokes on me, man!

Cuz she still peed (and pooped, lucky me) in her panties, left behind pissy foot prints traveling from her bedroom to the living room and back to the bathroom, and I still had to shampoo the carpet and clean those prints off of the floor. Oh, and also the bathroom floor, because her panties were dripping urine from beneath the panty covers. Into the laundry they go.

I have made peace with the fact that S. may well be in diapers when she finally leaves for college. And when she gets married, we'll have to find or special order really pretty plastic panty covers (perhaps with frilly ruffles and sequins) for her to wear under her wedding dress. Her groom probably won't want to be rooting around under the dress for the garter at the reception, but who cares? At that point, her potty habits will officially be his problem and not ours. Maybe we can marry her off early? Let's say, when she turns 4? Then someone else can take over this wonderful task of civilizing this stubborn kid, and I won't be buying pull-ups for the next 15 years?

I know for a fact that some of you have sons. Anyone want to betroth their son to S.? I'll throw in a year's supply of pretty-as-a- princess-pull-ups as part of the dowry…

Why don't you take the weekend to think about it.

You know where to find me once you've made your decision.

Say It Ain’t So

The strike, the strike. That damn'd Writer's Strike!

It appears that my favorite shows will continue to be on hiatus as the Writer's Guild of America attempts to coerce the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTA) to satisfy their demands.

To date, the strike has lasted 9 weeks and 3 days according to wikipedia, with shows such as Private Practice and Pushing Daisy's (two of my favorites) among those whose production has come to a halt until the savage beast we have come to know as the WGA, can be soothed.

However, on January 2nd, David Letterman returned to night time tv with a full writing staff after their demands were negotiated and met by Worldwide Pants, Letterman's production company.

And lucky me, Grey's Anatomy returns tonight with an all-new episode. Hopefully the first all-new episode of many for the rest of the season.

Hey, it's something, and I'll take it!

Being that the strike was organized by the Writer's Guild, it seems a little odd that factions of that guild would return to work while others wait to have their terms accepted. Guild spokesmen refer to the return of Letterman's show as their "Trojan Horse". They contend that, as a result of Letterman's writers getting what they asked, the other writers's demands will come to the attention of show producers and apparently save them all. As if other show producers are hiding with their heads in the sand and have no idea what the writers are demanding if they are to return to work.

This, quite frankly, sounds like a lame excuse for why writer's of one show are getting what they want as other writer's man the picket lines until their terms can be met. Were they striking then, as an organization? Or as teams of writers assigned by show?

Hopefully, this is an indicator that the Guild does not have the stamina to really "stick it to" the networks and their show producers until the bitter end. That would, indeed, be great news for those of us who are nervously pacing in front of our televisions and obsessively checking the next days tv schedule to see if our favorite show has been reinstated.

But, the last Writer's strike, which took place in 1988, lasted for 21 weeks.

God, help us all.

You Can’t Kick Me Out, I left YOU

A few months ago I received an invitation from one of my friends to join hoverspot.com. It's another one of those social networking sites, except with this one you earn points somehow to win products like ipods and what not. I joined because my friend would receive points if I did, like some kind of referral system. In all I thought the site was pretty lame, and really worthless unless you were hard on about winning stuff. I don't give a shit about winning stuff- especially if I have to get friends to join or make new ones with that purpose in mind. Not much of a social network, I think.

In the few months I'd been a member I received 2 emails from other hoverspot members. Perfect strangers who were sending me messages as if they KNOW ME. Like one, dated 12/11/2007, asked "where are you?". The last straw, dated 1/7/2008 asked, "do you even get on here anymore?"

WTF?!!!

I don't even know you people!

Therefore I felt it was just time to cancel my account and be done with random ass people asking me about my site activity (or lack thereof).

At the end of the cancel request form there was a box. Hoverspot wanted to know why I was cancelling. Fair enough. In a nutshell, this was my reply:

I only joined to help out a friend. I'm not really interested in this site. Plus, I'm getting messages from people I don't even know about my whereabouts and it's getting to be a pest.

And you know what?

I got an email from hoverspot today saying that my account has been deleted because I "have been determined to be in violation of hoverspot terms of service".

Uh, WTF?!!!

If cancelling my account is a violation of their terms of service, then I can most certainly understand. But when I think "violation", I think of people putting porn on their site, or threatening to kill the president, or putting porn on their site and threatening to kill the president…

But cancelling an account?

I sat over this email for a minute, part of me laughing and part of me outraged (I've kind of been on a short fuse lately).

You can't kick me out! I left you!

So I sat thinking. I told dh about it. And we laughed. And then I thought some more.

I decided I wanted to send a really pissy email back to the administrators of hoverspot, demanding to know what terms of service I am in violation of? And could they kindly kiss my ass because, fuck you (meaning them), I quit before they kicked me out.

I thought better of it. Maybe that was the smart thing to do.

But why do I feel so violated?! Like some vicious rumor was being spread about me throughout the blogosphere.

And really, WTF?!!

So anyways, here's one for google:

Hoverspot sucks balls.

A Compelling Conversation With A.

A: Mama, I'm compelled to play with my toys.

Me: Do you know what compel means?

A: No, what?

Me: It's when you really want to do something.

(I realize now that my definition leaves something to be desired, but she's 4, and it's close enough I think)

A: Oh, like you are compelled to knit and I am compelled to play.

Me: Exactly. Where did you learn that from?

A: I don't know.

Me: you're not in trouble, it's alright.

A: I don't know. I just know it.

Potty Training Boot Camp

I would first like to apologize for yet another potty training entry. There may be a few potty training adventures yet to come, but I promise I'll use the utmost discretion in deciding what to bitch about post.

We've got sort of a potty training boot camp going on in our house right now. The plastic panty thing? Not so much working. For all the wet spots I still have to shampoo off the carpets and the upholstery every day, I gave up on the plastic panties and just toss regular ones on her when the mood suits. I consulted with my "source" about the dilemma and she recommended I try the actual plastic panty covers, since the all-in-ones do have a higher tendency to leak. Wish I'd a known that $12 ago?

So tomorrow I'm back to Babiesrus, where I will purchase exactly 2 packs of the plastic panty covers, for approximately $3 for a pack of 3, each. In the meantime, she will be wearing panties all day. Again. And I will continue shampooing the carpets and upholstery approximately every two hours. I'm sure that by the time S. finally decides that using the potty at home is the cool thing to do, we will have bald spots on our brand new carpets and the upholstery will have thin, wispy patches here and there. Also, my Bissell may overheat from having to keep up with the puddles of piss being left behind in various rooms numerous times a day.

The best part about all this?

I never really know exactly where S. was when she peed her panties, because she won't tell me right away. She'd walk around in wet panties all day if she could! So I have to hunt down wet spots in the common areas- the living room or her room, dragging the shampooer with me as I look. The Bissell has not seen the closet in two days, but this sure does add some excitement to my otherwise boring days…

But I am determined. If this kid knows when she has to potty while we're at the library, she's going to figure out how to use the potty at home when the urge strikes.

There's no telling how long this boot camp will last. A week, two weeks- the rest of my life…

When I was freaking out about A.'s lack of interest in the potty a year ago, I'd heard people tell me to relax, that she'll be out of diapers by the time she goes to kindergarten. And with A., that turned out to be true. But with S., I'm not entirely sure she'll be out of diapers by the time she goes to college…

The Plastic Panty Potty Training Challenge

I have a 3 year old who will not use the potty at home. Emphasis: at. home.

If we're at the mall, the library, the park, the bx- anyplace where she will have to use a public restroom, she'll tell us she has to potty, we take her and she goes. But at home, not so much. I've tried just about everything. Sticker charts (one from Chuck e Cheese, even), letting her wear panties around the house. Nothing works!

Someone recently suggested I try plastic panties, so that I'm not shampooing upholstry or carpeting every few hours. So the girls and I had a mission today. Find plastic panty covers (we had some for A., but those didn't work for her so we tossed them. Doh!)
After checking Target and the Bx, I ended up right back next to Target at Babiesrus. Why didn't I think of that earlier?

I stood in front of the stupid training pants rack for what must have been at least 10 mintues trying to figure out if I wanted the plain plastic panty covers (3 for $2.99) or the set that were actually plastic panties. The outside is plastic, just like the panty covers, but the inside is lined. What makes them so different than pull-ups, dh wondered. Good question.

These aren't as absorbant as pull-ups, so they've got to be a little more uncomfortable. Plus, they can be washed, and therefore, reused.

Sweet! I thought. This way I won't have to put panties under the plastic panty covers. I've got an all-in-one majiggy here.

S. has gone through 2 of them in the last 5 hours. 2. She will not be putting on another one tonight. One, because it's almost bedtime, and two, because it's not quite working out the way I'd hoped.

I was advised (and wanted) the plastic ones so that I wouldn't be shampooing everything she sat on every few hours. Maybe I bought a faulty pair, or maybe she's not getting uncomfortable until the liners are beyond capacity and they're leaking, but they're leaking. So far I've shampooed a spot on the sofa and both of their fabric rocker chairs.

Oh, and, both times there was poop.
Ewwwwww.

But I am prepared- I bought 4 of them, the 2 are in the wash now, and tomorrow is another day.

My advisor said it may take about a week before we start to see progress. So, a week it is.

She'll be in those damned plastic panties while we're home, and I'll just keep the shampooer handy- again. For one week.

After that I'm giving her to the gypsy's. They can return her after she's decided that using the potty at home is as necessary and cool as using it at Cold Stone Creamery.

Wordless Wednesday: Ringing In The New Year

This is how we spent our time as we waited for the ball to drop on that last evening of 2007:

Our special bubbly- sparkling cider:

Tall man, plastic pink champagne flute- it doesn't get much better than this!

Dancing the night away with the girls:


Almost time to celebrate!

One of the few pics you'll ever see with me in it:

Welcome to 2008!